And Then You Came

They say, the best people come in your life when you least expect it. I was depressed and my heart ached, and then you came. You taught me how to love and how important God was.

You had the answers to all my questions. I miss the way you told me bedtime stories. The hours we've spend texting about the most random things. I didn't even notice how I fell in love with you. With every part of you. I fell in love with your hair, your brown eyes and your crooked smile.

I got used to you, used to everything. Everyone said I changed. In only three months. No one could ever do what you did and I love you for that.

I love you so bad that I can't think of you without crying. It's like my heart is exploding and screaming your name. Over and over again.

I love you so much that I would donate my kidney to you. Because a life without you is no love. Without you, my dearest,my love...there's no me.

You're the brightest of all. The sweetest of all. And still i'm waiting, craving for the moment you ask me to marry you. I guess that's all I ever want. Marry you, be my wife forever, share the same life, same bed, same house. To share with you is all I ever want to do. But even if the day won't come, and you find love in someone else... please know that you're the bluest sky.

Maybe God has other plans for both of us. Still I pray, each day, for us to get together someday.

Not so sure what love is

Sometimes I am not sure what love is. Sometimes I would find myself asking is this how love is suppose to feel?

There used to be days I was really sure what it is. Moment of first love that innocent fluttering feeling which comes out and lives within me with excitement made me confident this was probably was love was. Fresh and new and full of excitement. Then in the midst of smiles and laughter, tears came along..with anger and pain. What seem to me like it was everlasting love, flew out of the window in just a blink of an eye. Questions began to rise, isn't love suppose to be everlasting? or is it just a spur of the moment thing? Can you really lose love with time?

Second and third relationships ended up the same way. Things such as 'I felt love in the beginning, but somehow I lost it with you... you'd be better off with another better girl' became a common quote. Innocent image of love gets lost in the process. All you'd recall is just how 'love' doesn't last and that well maybe you just don't know what exactly love is.

Funny, how easy it is sometimes to forget all those happy moments you share with a person that you've build together for a period of time in just a blink of an eye... then later on only recall the pain which acts as the base for the defensive mechanism you unknowingly build around you. Sometimes I guess maybe I chose not to believe in love so I don't get hurt again.

I'm back again on the track but I am not sure what I am feeling is really love, or just a longing to be with someone, since I've seem to have a misconception. The image of love began to be blurry. What exactly it is begins to be uncertain. I doubt almost everything and just things flow, but I can't really feel like I am all there.

In the end I am still not sure.

I May Not.. But it's fair

The first sentence i'd love to write is.. I may not as perfect as him, as them, but I have my own perfection.
Well indeed, my life is just different and me different too. I admit it. I'm not that kind of boy which is really good at basketball or volley or else. I'm not that kind of boy who can finish a math test nicely. I'm not that kind of boy who is able to arrange pretty words into a particularly beautiful sentences, well I'm just not.
I was jealous, I was envy, I was so weak and I was so frustrated about my own.
A friend of mine have ever told me something for person who is not really good understanding faith like me and she said "God is just fair to give you your life". I doubted that at first, but God never! He showed me everything about. And here...
i dont have to train so hard just to win a title of champion in basketball or volley or else otherwise that boy got a disability in understanding lessons at school because he just too much on focusing his championship, and he lost. He left behind then.
I dont have to pay for lotta money just to teach me more about math more than my teacheer have given to me at class so that i could be smarter than any other students in the class. Well, school is not a competition. it's about how we understand it, use it, and apply it to our life so then we can be useful for our own self, people and this country then.
And i dont have to get conflicted with girls because of what ive sent to them but they admited that as a romantically love sentences dedicated to them, in fact thats not true. And it causes overanalyze and directly drirves me to stresses.
God just wants me to enjoy the life He had given and fill it with joyful, happiness as long as I breath still before my time to to back to Him is coming. So then i can do anything as much as i want to, i can bring the happiness to people i'd want to, i just can without any problems haunt me over.
He created us with a justice. We have abilities who other people dont, and we also have different disabilities with other people. It means, just balance.
Just think it over like seriously... Behind your sorrow and sadness for not realizing your excess, they actually are still standing and waiting for you to realize them.


With Love..
Arfian

Tentang Aku Saat Ini

Pernahkah kamu berada dalam sebuah kondisi dimana kamu benar-benar merasa sendiri? Merasa tak memilik 1 orang sahabat pun, bahkan keluargamu tidak ada? Merasa bahwa hidup ini sudah tak menggandeng sebuah tujuan? Merasa gundah gulana? Merasa kosong dan seolah hanya terwakili oleh jasadmu ketika mengikuti kelas? Aku merasakannya saat ini.
Ada bermiliyar tanya dan pikiran yang menaggantung diantara sela-sela sel otakku saat ini. Semuanya berat. Membuatku pusing dan terkadang aku merasa ngelindur. Ya, mungkin itu salah 2 efeknya.
Kehidupanku 1 bulan terakhir ini terkesan seperti kehidupan yang sudah diujung tanduk. Alias sudah saatnya menghentikan sebuah hembusan nafas. Oh, tenang! Saya seorang terpelajar yang tidak berpikiran pendek, saya masih memiliki pertimbangan untuk itu. Tapi, memang begitu adanya yang saya rasakan.
Setiap pagi datang, selalu ada sebuah pikiran yang langsung menghantamku. Bukan pikiran tentang terlambat masuk sekolah/tugas yang lupa dikerjakan/apakaah ada sms di hp, semuanya bukan. Pikiran itu tentang bagaimana aku akan melewati hari baru ini? Entahlah, pesimistis benar-benar memelukku selama 1 bulan terakhir ini. Beberapa kali aku malas masuk sekolah, pinginnya sih berangkat, tapi ga ke sekolah, alias colut. Tapi, mau colut kemana? Aku juga takut dosa kok.
Situasi pertemananku dengan teman-temanku juga terasa sedikit pahit. Entah aku yang kurang memasukkan 'gula' ataukah mereka, aku tidak tau. Tapi, yang jelas aku merasa seperti atoz dan kolot. Maka dari itu, aku lebih sering memilih sendiri dan tidak banyak omong. Aku sesekali mencoba mengajak beberapa temanku berinteraksi, bercanda, dsb tapi hasilnya sama saja. Beberapa merasa ketus, males, tak ada gairah denganku. Bahkan orang yang aku anggap sahabat pun berlaku sama. Mungkin memang aku yang kurang memasukkan 'gula'. Tidak masalah bagiku, lagipula pada beberapa waktu, aku memang sedang ingin sendiri dan kurangi interaksi.
Keluargaku juga. Ehm, sebenarnya ini hal privacy, tapi tak apalah aku tuangkan dalam tulisan ini. Karena memang blogger yang masih mau menerima tiap huruf dalam cerita yang aku tulis. Keluargaku itu keluarga yang bukan keluarga, deh. Jujur, aku jarang berkomunikasi dengan ayah, mama dan adikku. Karena memang aku tinggal bersama nenek dan kakekku. Komunikasiku dengan mereka buruk, bahkan via sms pun jarang-jarang. Dulu, biasanya every weekend aku pulang kerumah, untuk mengambil uang jajan mingguan. Berhubung ayah sudah memperbolehkan aku membuka rekening, pengambilan uang pun via transfer aja, jadi gak pernah deh kerumah. Mamaku sibuk, super sibuk sekarang! Dalam seminggu bisa terbang sampe 2x karena tugas dan urusan pekerjaan. Tapi, mama masih lumayan sering sms aku beberapa kali waktu malam. Biasalah, sms wisdom dan nasehat buat anaknya. Adikku, hampir ga pernah komunikasi. Karena memang pada dasarnya kami tidak begitu akrab, ohya dia wanita. Aku dan adikku memiliki dunia remaja yang berbeda dan aku ataupun dia sibuk dengan dunia kami masing-masing. Sementara nenek kakekku, aku lebih sering dengan mereka, meski percakapan biasanya baru dimulai saat makan malam. (Karena ketika pulang sekolah-makan malam aku berada dikamar terus).
Lalu bagaimana dengan hatiku? Haha, obviously my heart feels empty. Without any loves inside, im a lil bit dying. Ini bukan mauku, lagipula siapa sih yang menginginkan berada dalam kondisi seperti ini?! Tentu saja tidak ada. I have no girlfriend, and bestfriends of mine are changing, so that i have no people to love, to get my concern or anything like that. I'm being silent all day long in any chances. And one thing i keep still is.. i wont let the situation forces me to suffer. I must be happy whatever the ways will. I just have to! Aku tidak mempersalahkan besar-besaran semua ini. Aku pernah dalam kondisi seperti ini sebelumnya, dan nyatanya aku masih tetap hidup. Aku sedang berusaha membahagiakan diriku sendiri apapun caranya. Meski aku akui itu sangat berat, karena memang kebahagiaan kita beberapa tersumber dari orang-orang disekitar kita. I wish it will end as soon as possible it will, because no one can survive on this kind of situation though he got whole money to spend!

Days Through Out Jakarta!

I think, im late just too far to post this. But, i keep my desire to because these photos are worth it. Taken when my friends and I were having journey to Jakarta to celebrate 2013 Worlds' Water Day in University of Indonesia - Depok. Well here we go..

 

The boys at the yard of Rektorat Building UI

 

Irfan's team presented their presentation 

 Me and my teams' turn

 

They were the horrible judges. I was impressed with their titles 

 

 While the break time

 

Break time inside of Rektorat Building

 

At the end of activity, that grandma offered us such a precious trip to look around of UI with her. She was very nice, very very kind and we wont forget u because of what u have given to us, Eyang Indres

 Dinner before The Night Trip around Jakarta!

 Grand Hyatt, Jakarta

 

Grand Indonesia Shopping Town! This what i called My Worlds' Paradise!

 The boys at Bundaran HI, Jakarta. It was 11 pm

 Taken in front of Monas's entrance

 Tugu Monumen Nasional, Jakarta

 Eyang Indres among us

 ArIr was watching that famous landmark of Jakarta

 One by one having a date with Monas :)

At Bundaran HI, Jakarta

 Well those are the photos we have taken while we having days in Jakarta. It was such a precious memory i wont ever forget. Facing lions on their home, presented something ive never known before in front of nerds and a lot of amazing stuffs there! 

Waktu adalah Tuhan Kita

Pertemuan denganmu memang tak pernah terbayangkan dan sedikit pun tak pernah terlintas dalam pikiran dan dugaku. Sesuatu yang kita sebut 'Waktu' menggiring kita berdua pada satu tempat sama dan aku denganmu, dan kamu denganku.
Semua terasa hambar, terasa baru, terasa seperti biasa saja tentunya, karena memang tidak langsung saat itu aku tahu bahwa aku sedang beradu dinamika bersama takdirku. Melalui proses yang juga dibawa oleh Waktu, aku mengenali, memahami, mengerti dan merasakanmu.
Kau begitu manis, kau begitu mempesonaku, kau begitu membuatku untuk berusaha memprioritaskanmu, kau begitu membuatku untuk selalu mencari celah untuk bersama denganmu, singkat kata.. Kau begitu menghipnotisku. Apa kau belajar dengan Rommy Rafael untuk melakukan penghipnotisan terhebat ini? Haha
Semua tentangmu aku kagumi, aku sukai, aku senyumi bahkan gelapmu aku bisa terima. Kau juga terlihat demikian padaku, semoga. Kau memang belum pernah mengucapkan satu pun kata yang meyakinkanku bahwa kau memang ada untukku, tapi aku meyakini kau memang.
Kau lah orang dimana aku letakkan harapan-harapan indahku untukku lalui bersamamu, kau lah orang diman aku sering imajinasikan selalu denganku.
Belum puas kurasakan untuk melakukan semua ini, tiba-tiba sebuah kesadaran menghampiriku. Mengingatkanku pada sesuatu yang mempertemukan dan memberiku kesempatan emas dan berharga untuk bersamanya, ya.. WAKTU. Waktu kali ini tidak membuatku penasaran tapi justru menakutiku, memberitahuku sesuatu yang memang sejak awal aku takutkan. PERPISAHAN.
Dia bak malaikat pencabut nyawa yang kedatangannya tak diketahui, tapi bisa diyakini. Ya, malaikat waktu akan mencabutmu dariku, karena memang tak selamanya kita akan bersama. KEHIDUPAN lah yang memaksa, memberikan jalan yang HARUS BERBEDA pada kita berdua.
Saat itu memang belum tiba, tapi aku sudah ketakutan, aku sudah sangat hampir putus asa akan masa depanku tanpamu. Tapi aku sadar, aku harus tetap berjalan, bergerak kedepan, menatap masa depan.
Aku menulis ini dan aku harap kau membaca, Sejak tulis ini dibuat (18/4/2013 8.31 PM) aku membuat bunkerku, aku membuat penyelamatan-penyelamatan untukku. Dimana aku harapkan itu dapat membantuku jika kelak memang kau akan dicabut dari kehidupanku. Tapi, asal kau tahu, Maybe I say this because I'm selfish, and I know it's not my business, but I don't want you to be with someone randomly. I want you to be
with someone who deserves you B. and one day, I hope that B and S can have a beautiful stor.
Dan sejak pertama menatap matamu, aku melihat KITA..

Tapi, WAKTU adalah TUHAN kita, yang membawa kita berdua pada PERTEMUAN, menjalani proses penguatan dan pengenalan bersama, dan membawa kita pada PERPISAHAN. Terima kasih, WAKTU!

United States

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

F4 (Forever Four)

Cynthia krisnawati sukamto...
Arfian syahriza adhyatama...
Pridherta jatu fernanda...
Irfan maulana...
Dua cewe memiliki pasangan dan dua cowok berjomblo ria menjadi satu pasangan yang serasi.. Yap kita emang gilaaa , kita memikiki perbedaan masing masing yang unik , namun perbedaan itulah yang membuat kita menjadi seperti seekor ulat yang nantinya menjadi kupu2 indah...

Cynthia ... Siapa sih yang gak kenal cewek yang cantik ini, cewek yang udah sangat melekat dengan ''cynthia mantannya luki?'' Adalah çewek yg fashionable, pendengar yg baik serta ada satu ciri khas yg unik "dhr, ar, fan, eruh kunci motorku gak?", hahaha konyol memang. Cynthia ini sahabatku paling awet, udah hampir 5 tahun aku bersahabt dengannya. Dia itu bgai bunga dg banyak kumbang. Tp ini akhirnya ada 1 mbang yg terus menempa di dia, satya

Arfian... Siapa lagi yang gak kenal cowok satu ini, eksis dikalangan anak sma.. dengan postur tubuh tinggi ganteng mapan.. kehebatan dari cowok ini adalah dia sangat loyal dengan semua teman-temannya dan bagi kalian para ladies jangan raguin kesetiaannya dan keromantisannya.. tapi jangan kaget dia mempunyai jiwa kewanitaan juga looo yaitu hobi shoping dan mengejar diskon what the hell.... hahahaha

Dherta... Cewek yang terkenal feminin banget ini gak lepas dari sebutan 'endel'.. gadis yang lucu , gendut, dan cantik ini meiliki pribadi yang disenangi teman-temannya lucu, baik gak suka marah dan pengertia sama temen2nya.. yaa walaupun dia sagat norak ketika dia menganggumi dirinya sendiri hahahaha... tapi itulah yang membuat kita kangen denangnnya...

Irfan... Kalo lagi ngomongin ini bocah bingung deh mau nulis apaan ? Yaaa ditulis seadanya aja yaaaa.. cowok dengan gaya stay cool namun dibelakang itu semua dia dipnuhi otak jahil dan omongan banyol yang begitu kriuk mengenaskan wkwk tapi dia tetep kece jadi temen kita sealigus bagi para penggemarnya.. tau gak sih didepan mereka semua irfan layaknya Mr.Rius yang dengan sikapnyan dingin terhadap mereka.. tapi percaya deeeh dia itu cowok yang penuh kejutan...,

Yaaa inilah kita dengan karakter kita masing-masing :-)

Ini dibuat cynthia. Tapi pas part cynthia, aku yg buat, dan part yg aku yang buat cynthia

Holiday? Really?

First of all, i'd like to wish Merry Christmas 2012 and Happy New Year 2013! May God always bless us.

K, now we get into the main story. Oh terrible one i guess. This is holiday. Everybodys happy, without school, homework, tasks, and other tons of annoying stuffs. Yeah, vocation time, to refresh mind, look and buy some new stuffs, outfit, or else. It works for them, not me.

It's (time i make this) two of my holiday. And yeh, im stuck in da home. Some trips have been cancelled. Bali, Jogja, Surabaya, Solo. Dad got a new project, hes fuckin busy now. And mom, the same as charger, she controls some tasks in her office till new year. No time for spending holiday outside of town. Other time, ive planned some trip with my good fellas to TW and Solo. But its too far right now. I gotta wait.
Today, im thinkin a lot, how to change it, how to make myself being happy while im waiting for the days of holiday come. Many times i spend by online, watching movies, and something like that.

I feel boring with those usual activity tho. I need some new condition after all. But you guys gotta note this. After the December 31st and January 1st, dad invites to held a trip to surabaya. There, im gonna buy tons of stuffs i love. No matter how expensive, how many it will be, if i like, im gonna buy. I'd love to visit some good places at there and yes, its such a revenge. Hhahaha but its okay, dad said.

Them who i know

As a normal person, i myself realize that we cant live alone. We do live with people. People, yes! All of us has people around. They came up with tons of different characters, behaves, acts, religion, race and etc.
Its been 17 years i live my life, i spend my time till now im in 2nd year of high school. I met a lot of people.
But now then gonna discuss they who are around me.

Cynthia :  she has grew up. Since the first time i knew her, in 7th grade at junior high. Shes my best best best friend always. She cares, a lot. She is lovely, she is smart. And of course she is beautiful. Cynthia always understands and sometimes she's willing to do a sacrifice. The last sentence i wrote, is the reason i love her.

Husna : This girl is a lot of talkative. She annoys me sometimes but i love her incredible thoughts too somehow. She got a damn flat nose for sure and surely it becomes a material as a joke in the class. I love her strength, shes not a powerless girl, she stands for what she wants. She keeps it till she got it no matter what Shes always there to accompany me, and she loves my logic thinking too tho. We met at 8th grade

Irfan : The first impression, I DENIED HIM. And, i never meant to be his friend. But i remember, things change. He has a got sense, i mean some of his are alike with mine. Politics, economics, nations, world, kind of stuffs like that. We met at 9th grade. He has a strong opinion, criticize person ive ever met, and hes just different from other teen in the age. Ive ever told him, i was curious bout his life, cuz i thought i deserved to be. He has a very good principle. But u have to notice, not all time we are good. Hes kinda selfish i think and lil bit jerk. I hear that from friends around anyway.

Dherta : U gotta know the fact, i was never that much close with her in the junior high. It seemed like "Oh You are dherta" "And You are Arfian" things like that. Just like what ive told, things change. Shes so damn much close with me now. We used to hanging out together with Cynthia and Irfan. Dherta is powerful and also powerless girl i think. Shes good at love, shes such a drama queen, the smartest one ive ever known. Shes helping me now, to stop my bad habbit to spend money with shopping. Shes good at giving advices too